Day 20: Dark Nights End

5bf87c985811c25b27f65410a7f729edI love nighttime. I love the darkness and the peace and quite that sunset brings. As a child I was scared of the dark, I slept with a nightlight for very many years past where I ought to have given it up. I remember being scared of what I couldn’t see, not expecting there to be monsters lurking but fearing that there may be something there I wouldn’t like. When I had a nightmare or a bad dream I would close my eyes and fill the space in my mind with black or a colour. If a scary picture from my dream snuck back in, I would concentrate hard on pushing it out of my headspace and focusing on making everything my one colour again, oddly stumbling across some kind of childlike mindfulness.

My mental health difficulties have come hand in hand with insomnia, seemingly endless nights battling with thoughts and demons, but also the night time gave me a bit of a break from my problems, there were no appointments or choices to make at night, just the enveloping darkness that gave me an escape from a busy, confusing and anxiety provoking world. It’s with a great sense of relief that my insomnia is a lot more ‘normal’ now… but I suppose I’ll probably never be without it with such a bustling mind!

I am no longer fearful or the night but find comfort in its silent embrace.

I wasn’t sure how I could tie today’s post in to#SelfCareSeptember but this post had been sitting in my drafts for a while and I’d edited and reformatted it so many times that I just wanted to get it posted! These seem the most challenging posts… those that feel like oversharing! I guess the strong feeling I got from writing this evening was that dark times pass, if you can ride the wave or weather the storm, you can get to the other side of it. I suppose it’s about being resilient enough to wait it out… and that in itself is a self care tip… I think!


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