A crisis of faith in my ability to write

One day I’d like to be able to write something really inspirational, to have that effect on people and make them really stop and think about what they’ve just read. I want to be able to make a difference or raise awareness through my words. The trouble is I’m not really sure how to get to that stage, or even if my writing is good enough. It seems to me, to be a commonplace among writers to show doubts about their abilities. I don’t think I’m anywhere near a point in my life where I can self-define as being a writer yet, I like to think of myself as a baby writer or a writer in training perhaps.

On the subject of something inspirational and in an attempt to break up my inane ramblings of the morning a little. Here is a video for you. I think it is perhaps my second favourite Body Gossip video. My favourite of course being the original ‘This one’s for you’. This video however speaks volumes about society right now; what is it that makes us so scared of the real human body? Inspirational YAH!

Now back to my writing saga… I recently started a part-time job as a Copy Editor. It was something that came as a surprise around a time (during exam and assignment hell!) where it was really lovely to have the confidence boost of being approached and told I’d be perfect for the job and that they really wanted me/had thought of me! From now on this is how I wish to receive all of my job offers, thank-you! The idea of being hand picked in a kind of headhunted type of way is enough to brighten anyone’s day or week! But anyway… I digress… so being offered this Copyediting job, I guess, was a sign that I must be an ok writer. I’m one for evidence that is quite based in proof and during my miniature ‘I’ll never be a proper grown up writer ever’ style crisis, this was a definite boost to the old confidence! 
I think it all harks back to my natural fall back of assuming I won’t be able to do something to prevent the disappointment of failing at it. It’s much easier for something to go wrong and for me to be able to say… ah yes but I did say it would go wrong. I think it must be some sort of face saving tactic (ah yeah get in there identity revision!!) that prevents having a demonstrate having failed something. 
At the moment I’m trying to make a really conscious effort to celebrate and acknowledge when I do great stuff and not beat myself up if something doesn’t go too well. Now I’m going to sound completely big headed and I don’t mean to. But last week the shortlisted nominations for our student union awards were released. Again there was 400 nominations and by some sort of miracle I’ve been shortlisted for two awards again!! The lovely thing is that one of the awards ‘RAG volunteer of the year’ is an award I have now been shortlisted for every year I’ve been at Uni. Last year I was also shortlisted for ‘Outstanding contribution to student support’ and this year I’ve been shortlisted for ‘Outstanding contribution to student life’. Now what I’m trying to do here to be proud of what I’ve done and think…. wow I must be doing something pretty freaking good right now! Yay! 
I suppose what I’m trying to say in this post today is that it’s ok to feel proud about the things you do, and there’s no need to doubt yourself. I mean what’s the use of wasting time doubting your ability when you could use that time to work on it? 
Happy Sunday everyone xx

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2 thoughts on “A crisis of faith in my ability to write

  1. I feel similarly about my writing too.. Sounds like you're doing a great job though. You're right – we must allow ourselves to congratulate ourselves on our achievements. But I think self-doubt just shows a little humility 🙂

    Like

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